Heavy Metal Ha-Ha

I love press releases touting very heavy rock music. Not because I listen to deathcore or grindcore or extreme metal or whatever the variations are, but because it has the most descriptive writing, and it's often unintentionally hilarious. Like this (emphasis added):

"NUNFUCKRITUAL's In Bondage To The Serpent crawls from the gutter like a diseased, decayed and decrepit corpse; a choking dirge; a hideous, malformed infestation of filthy underground metal that ignores trends, defies categorization and brings together some of the darkest, blackest, nastiest manifestations ever committed to tape. Degraded and corrupt, these six blasphemous conjurations call upon decades of extreme metal experience to devastating effect, resulting in an album so gross, rank and genuinely disturbing that it is the aural equivalent of being cannibalized by the leprous sisters Plague and Death. An insidious poison running through your veins, slowly devouring your life force, until nothing remains, but ruin. Obsidian incantations seethe with pure evil energy, summoning ancient deities to commit terrible atrocities against organized religion, a celebration of the ultimate triumph of mankind's dark side. Swarming, swirling and shimmering with mal-intent, In Bondage To The Serpent breaks new ground with its omnipresent, all-consuming evil vibe. This eerie, potent brew is, quite simply, a manifestation of pure, undiluted evil. Sickness never sounded so real..."

Damn. I just missed my mom's birthday...